More unused Newsjack one liners…

Hi all,

Another set of unused Newsjack one liners. I certainly hope they keep you amused. Comments appreciated, even if you think they aren’t funny.

 Recent reports and medical advances suggest we could all live until 2000 years old. So much to look forward to:

  • working for 1500 years.
  • another 1900 years of Brucie hosting Strictly.
  • Des O Connor’s one man quest to populate the polar ice caps.
  • we could finally see Tony Blair face off against Margaret Thatcher as they both make comebacks. At least we’ll find out what happens when 2 forces of unadulterated evil clash.
  • and finally George W Bush making a comeb… actually no forget that. I can’t imagine finding another generation of Americans that stupid. (I’d raise my eyebrow if you could see it).

Alastair Darling has claimed inevitably George Osborne will have to change course. Hopefully this new direction will take him to the outer reaches of the galaxy.

Thingy’s been in charge of the Labour party for one year now and whilst the party are ahead in the polls he’s still struggling with relative anonymity. His brother David Milliband commented, “I feel very sorry for my brother whatshisname but we can’t all be blessed with charm, charisma and an identifiable personality.”

After Amanda Knox’s acquittal and subsequent return to the US millions of Americans have vowed never to visit Italy. Tourist figures have shown a huge increase in bookings to Italy from the Muslim world and in particular Brits, who are returning to Florence to enjoy the city without sports-bars and drunk students. A city official was quoted as saying she was delighted to be able to finally remove the mouse ears from Michelangelo’s David.

After Foxy Knoxy was released and returned to the US Italian police have arrested 2 suspects in the ongoing case. The suspects have been named as Cocky Locky and Goosey Loosey. Police chief Turky Lurky commented, “their defence council Henny Penny will struggle to keep these 2 out of prison.”

Check the Newsjack podcast out, follow them on Twitter (http://twitter.com/NewsjackBBC) or visit the website: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/newsjack.

Thanks all,

Kris

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One Comment on “More unused Newsjack one liners…”

  1. Some one liners I sent in which also weren’t used – don’t feel to bad now when I see quality like yours being rejected. Makes you wonder what the BBC are actually looking for doesn’t it?

    1. Sarah Palin the darling of the American right – and wrong about almost everything else – has announced a wish to meet her heroine Margaret Thatcher during her forthcoming visit to the UK. Or in other words..…A meeting of equally senile minds.

    2. And American congressmen have accused BP boss Tony Haywood, of trying to insult their intelligence during his recent appearance on Capitol Hill; didn’t have to stoop very low then did he?

    3. What most Ireland fans are still waiting for in the World Cup…. A handball appeal by Thierry Henry!

    4. What’s the difference between Katie Price and a Vuvuzela horn? One is a cheap piece of plastic trash that makes an annoying whining noise every time you turn on the TV. The other is a musical instrument!

    At least my OH thought the were funny!


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