The Eleven Faces of Doctor Who

The Five Faces of Doctor Who was a series of repeats organised by John Nathan-Turner, broadcast in November 1981. He chose five of the adventures from the first four Doctors. The stories he chose were:

An Unearthly Child (William Hartnell’s first story from 1963)
The Krotons (Patrick Troughton, 1968)
Carnival of Monsters (Jon Pertwee, 1973)
The Three Doctors (Jon Pertwee, Patrick Troughton and William Hartnell, 1972)
Logopolis (Tom Baker’s final story – included because as of that time it was the only one to feature a glimpse of the new Doctor Peter Davison, 1981)

Since we are celebrating the grand 50th anniversary of Doctor Who this year my friend Philip and I decided to while away a long car journey last week by debating our Eleven Faces of Doctor Who in the hope that Steven Moffat decides to resurrect this innovative way to run repeats. These are my choices and alongside my own personal choice, I’ve also documented what I think the BBC will probably run with.

FIRST DOCTOR (William Hartnell) The BBC would have to run with An Unearthly Child because it’s where it all started. Personally I’d love to see The Time Meddler, it’s a very alien tale and great fun.

SECOND DOCTOR (Patrick Troughton) It will be hard for the BBC to resist The Tomb of the  Cybermen, it is a fantastic tale and Troughton at his best but for me it’s The Seeds of Death. It was the first video I ever purchased and a great opportunity to show the Ice Warriors.

THIRD DOCTOR (Jon Pertwee) In this anniversary year the BBC will incorrectly choose The Three Doctors as it was broadcast for the 10th anniversary in 1973 but viewers would appreciate The Daemons more which contains all of the successful hallmarks of the Pertwee era and Roger Delgado’s Master at his macabre best.

FOURTH DOCTOR (Tom Baker) In my opinion Genesis of the Daleks is a mediocre story with a stand-out scene but this won’t stop the BBC from showing it. Why not show City of Death instead? It contains a wonderful Baker performance and was scripted by a team that included Douglas Adams.

FIFTH DOCTOR (Peter Davison) If the BBC overdo the celebration theme we’ll get The Five Doctors which served at the 20th anniversary story and not really a Davison story. I’d suggest Earthshock for it’s shock value and glass-jawed Cybermen.

SIXTH DOCTOR (Colin Baker) The link is a little more tenuous but if they show Three and Five Doctors then I defy the BBC not to show The Two Doctors, a triumphant return for Troughton in a story wanting for plot. Showing Vengeance on Varos would show new Doctor Who audiences just how dark the show could be and in Sil a terrifying villain.

SEVENTH DOCTOR (Sylvester McCoy) Silver Nemesis was the 25th anniversary story and continuing the theme the BBC will act as expected; it’s a story that has had a fair amount of criticism but one I am still fond of. However I’d choose Remembrance of the Daleks, a smashing echo from 1963 with a strong cast and plot.

EIGHTH DOCTOR (Paul McGann) TV movie. That is all. But if you allow me to go outside the box then I’d recommend the recent Big Finish release Dark Eyes which takes McGann and gives him new direction and depth.

NINTH DOCTOR (Christopher Eccleston) The BBC will opt for the place it all started again with Rose but we all know it really started again with Dalek which stands alone as one of the best Doctor Who stories of all time.

TENTH DOCTOR (David Tennant) I think we’d all like to see Elisabeth Sladen again in School Reunion which was as emotionally draining as it was wonderful but in storytelling terms it doesn’t hold a torch to Blink. Sadly Blink doesn’t include a whole lot of Doctor which would make it a poor choice for Tennant fans.

ELEVENTH DOCTOR (Matt Smith) The Doctor’s Wife is steeped in Doctor Who history and expounds on the myth of the Doctor’s longest serving companion, it was well received and the BBC wouldn’t go far wrong it picking this one. I love Vincent and the Doctor, simply, it’s perfect Doctor Who.

No doubt you are reading this and vehemently disagreeing with my choices so I’d urge you to leave your own choices in the comments section. I look forward to reading them.


Back to being unfunny

Great news that Newsjack on BBC Radio 4 is back. So I submitted a handful of one liners and it turns out I am still completely unfunny.

There have been so many withdrawals from the Government’s work experience programme the Catholic Church has officially endorsed it.

Donald Trump gives £10m to anti-wind farm campaigners. He has also given £5m to fart for freedom.

David Cameron, clearly influenced by Oscar success and popularity is looking to become an altogether different type of Artist.

Ironic that the historic third win for both Margaret Thatcher and Meryl Streep in their chosen professions were both met with utter ambivalence.

Bring on next week. If at first you suck at this, fail, fail and fail again 🙂

Don’t cry for me BBC Newsjack

Here we are again we another small set of rejected one liners from the brilliant BBC radio comedy show Newsjack. I love this show and would love to hear my work used BUT I also enjoy coming up with these, so just knowing I’m in with a shout is pretty cool for me. One day..

Without further ado let me introduce my latest rejected one liners:

Not wanting to miss out on current affairs the porn industry has actually produced My Big Fat Gypsy P0rno. I find this a little disrespectful and politically incorrect to the point of insult, shouldn’t it be My Big Fat Traveller P0rno.

It’s been announced that technology the scientists are using to break through 2 miles of ice to sample the lake under the polar cap will be the same technology they use to find David Cameron’s heart. Neither experiment is expected to find the desired results.

Sad news to hear about the death of Steve Jobs. His Apple technology has caused a global technology revolution and the intuitive auto-correct function on iPhones and iPads has revolutionised smelling.

I thank you.


—-the intentional error on the word p0rno is due to the site being spammed and searched for under the incorrect term—————-

More unused Newsjack one liners…

Hi all,

Another set of unused Newsjack one liners. I certainly hope they keep you amused. Comments appreciated, even if you think they aren’t funny.

 Recent reports and medical advances suggest we could all live until 2000 years old. So much to look forward to:

  • working for 1500 years.
  • another 1900 years of Brucie hosting Strictly.
  • Des O Connor’s one man quest to populate the polar ice caps.
  • we could finally see Tony Blair face off against Margaret Thatcher as they both make comebacks. At least we’ll find out what happens when 2 forces of unadulterated evil clash.
  • and finally George W Bush making a comeb… actually no forget that. I can’t imagine finding another generation of Americans that stupid. (I’d raise my eyebrow if you could see it).

Alastair Darling has claimed inevitably George Osborne will have to change course. Hopefully this new direction will take him to the outer reaches of the galaxy.

Thingy’s been in charge of the Labour party for one year now and whilst the party are ahead in the polls he’s still struggling with relative anonymity. His brother David Milliband commented, “I feel very sorry for my brother whatshisname but we can’t all be blessed with charm, charisma and an identifiable personality.”

After Amanda Knox’s acquittal and subsequent return to the US millions of Americans have vowed never to visit Italy. Tourist figures have shown a huge increase in bookings to Italy from the Muslim world and in particular Brits, who are returning to Florence to enjoy the city without sports-bars and drunk students. A city official was quoted as saying she was delighted to be able to finally remove the mouse ears from Michelangelo’s David.

After Foxy Knoxy was released and returned to the US Italian police have arrested 2 suspects in the ongoing case. The suspects have been named as Cocky Locky and Goosey Loosey. Police chief Turky Lurky commented, “their defence council Henny Penny will struggle to keep these 2 out of prison.”

Check the Newsjack podcast out, follow them on Twitter ( or visit the website:

Thanks all,


Rejected by BBC Newsjack #1

I’ve started to submit to the BBC radio comedy show Newsjack. They have an open submission policy and I’m enjoying putting together some one liners. Nothing has been used yet but I believe they receive over 1000 pages of one liners each week. Check the Newsjack podcast out, follow them on Twitter ( or visit the website:

In the meantime these were my rejected submissions this week:

  • So the Seven Dwarves series on Channel 4 is coming to an end. It’s surprising how much time they spend outside smoking, don’t they know that it stunts your growth.
  • Scrap men all over the UK were on high alert in case the satellite landed on their patch. The danger to the public wasn’t from falling metal, moreover the sound of a million horns and trumpets all being blown at once.
  • Huge trails on the BBC for their new season. Trevor McDonald is sailing down the mighty Mississippi, Joanna Lumley is on a Greek Odyssey, Billy Connelly travels America on Route 66 and Caroline Quentin visits Cornwall. I think it’s fair to say she’s upset someone at the BBC. If things don’t improve her next stop will be Walsall.
  • In a week where Jim Henson would have celebrated his 75th birthday a wonderful gesture by the Liberal Democrats to replace all of their MPs with Muppets for their annual conference.
  • Is t me or is Planet Dinosaur just a prehistoric Russian Doll game where small dinosaur gets eaten by big dinosaur, which gets eaten by bigger dinosaur, which gets eaten by bigger dinosaur. Let’s just hope they don’t wriggle and jiggle and tickle inside.
  • Will the X-Factor judges please stop telling talentless contestants to be strong and try again. Tell them to get a proper job. At this rate the majority of the population will be applying annually.
  • I love that the SAS have released a book and are charging £1000 for it. Surely that’s like them just saying, “go on, nick it, I dare you, I double dare you.”
  • Ireland recorded the first ever case of spontaneous human combustion last week. The producers of Ireland’s Got Talent are reviewing their rules.
  • A junior school in Gloucester has banned leather footballs from the playground. A charity has criticised the move saying that the students won’t ever end up like George Best if they can’t play with a heavier ball. Premier League officials have requested sponge balls at all forthcoming fixtures.
  • America’s getting tough. Texas has ended the last supper request on death row. They’ll think twice before they murder anyone else.